Get Back That Loving Feeling
There was a time when you were both in sync
with each other’s wants and needs – when the relationship was young and ripe
and you were both learning new and exciting secrets about the other.
But time happens. During the extent of
your relationship you may have gotten engaged, married, had children, or just
became bored with the same old routine that you’ve fallen into. So, what can
you do to ignite the passion you once had in your relationship?
First, you need to take a scrutinizing look
at what may have happened to squelch the passion – then, make a commitment to
change it and get back that loving feeling. Your relationship must be a number
one priority for both of you. In today’s world of multi-tasking, that
may be a huge task to undertake. But, if you are committed to each other and
saving the relationship – it’s so worth it.
You may be married, with children, and
spend most of your evenings centered around the kids’ activities and their
homework. Being a good mom and dad is important, but so is your sex life.
There are some changes you might consider,
such as putting the kids to bed earlier. Rather than watching television, turn
it off, have a glass of wine and discuss the good parts of the day or some
things you appreciate about your partner. And, by all means, turn out the
lights and go to bed together.
Talk to your partner if you or he has lost
the sex drive that was once a huge part of the relationship before time
happened. He may be reluctant to talk about it at first, but if you sincerely
express that you want to put some passion back into your union and have some
suggestions about how to do it, your partner will more than likely become more
enthusiastic and join in the conversation. Listen to him. And, be sure to talk
about your own concerns and fears, wants and needs.
Flirt with your partner. Surprise him with
unexpected and romantic little things, like leaving a love letter on the seat
of his car before he goes to work. Sprinkle rose petals from the door to the
bedroom when he arrives from work or a trip and have a warm bubble bath ready
for him. This type of thoughtful planning is fun, inexpensive and out of the
ordinary. It’s the unexpected that tends to make our hearts beat a little
faster.
Write letters to your partner. Sometimes,
it’s difficult to say what we feel, but writing letters from your heart can
express honest feelings in ways that the spoken word never could.
Express your deepest secrets and dreams for
your lives together (keeping in mind how far along you are in the
relationship), and especially tell him how important he is to you. No one can
read minds – so he may not know how you really feel until you tell him – or
write it down for him.
Sometimes, the demands in our lives far
exceed the time put aside to spend with our partners. For some couples,
pre-planned “date nights” is the answer to making time for each other.
The special night doesn’t have to be
elaborate. Watching a movie while eating popcorn in your own living room can be
a great way to keep romance in your relationship. Taking a walk around the
neighborhood or along the beach can also be romantic and revealing when you
talk about the love you feel for each other. Schedule a date night as you would
any activity – mark it on your calendars so that neither will forget it – and
you can both look forward to it.
Become friends with your partner. Even more
important than being lovers is becoming friends with each other. If you’re able
to lean on each other in bad times and laugh during good times, the
relationship will thrive.
Finding Purpose in Your Life – With or Without a Partner
Even though you’re learning about “saving a
relationship,” it’s important that you save or develop your own self-esteem
whether you have a “significant other” or not. Having a purpose in life,
separate from your partner’s makes everyone see you in a different light.
Maybe you’ve been putting off some major
changes in your life – such as losing weight or getting into an exercise
program. Do it now -- establish balance and harmony in your life to discover
your real purpose.
Your purpose in life can also be described
as your life’s mission. When you discover what it is you really want out of
life and learn how to get it, it’s like an awakening or a spiritual experience.
Everything else in life becomes dim in comparison to reaching the pinnacle of
your purpose in life.
When your partner sees that you’ve become
empowered through the self-confidence you’ve achieved from having an actual
purpose in life, you instantly become a more desirable and sexy person. Power
exudes sexiness – whereas mousiness and indecision gets you nowhere.
Maybe you’ve been a doormat in the
relationship, and he’s lost respect for you. Determine from now on to get rid
of the doormat image – say what you mean and mean what you say – and say it
loudly. Don’t cower in a corner when asked how you feel or what you think about
something just because you might hurt someone’s feelings. People will respect
you much more if you’re honest and forthright.
It’s possible that your relationship is
keeping you from finding your “authentic self” or your purpose in life. A toxic
relationship is one that keeps you subjugated and fearful of losing the other
person.
You may suppress anger or emotions toward
your spouse or partner because you’re afraid he’ll disapprove, or worse – that
he’ll go away. But, when you empower yourself by going after your true purpose
in life, and your authentic self, you begin to lose those fears and become more
able to express your emotions.
When you strengthen your spiritual and
mental backbone, you’re more in touch with yourself and eventually become the
person you really want to be. You won’t accept a toxic relationship in your life
anymore -- but if you have a good relationship and it only needs some tweaking
to survive, you’ll be able to get it back on track with the honesty and
integrity that it deserves.
You’ll feel better about yourself and will
gain a new independence that can help you clear the hurdles that life throws at
you, like the rejection of a partner or mate. The approval of others will take
a back seat to your own self-approval, and you’ll see that life depends on what
you
make it and not what another person demands.
Wishing you a happy & fruitful relationship,
Bobby Wan
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