Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not surprising. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.
Good communication takes practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though
you may not be talking. Your body
language and actions can speak volumes about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse?
Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too
nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.
If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to
talk. If you’re not happy with your
relationship be honest about it and seek a solution. Solutions usually begin at the bargaining table
where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both
can live with.
Find a good and convenient time to
communicate. If either of you has a
pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then
agree to a more convenient time. At
least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where
they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive
if this happens.
Be tactful in suggesting a talk is
necessary. Don’t be demanding but
suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have
time. This gives both of you time to
organize your thoughts. It’s not good to
come to the table unprepared. Know what
you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.
Once you’re talking, be a good
listener. Listening is as important as
talking. If your spouse is not as good
at communicating as you then compensate.
Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I
think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk
down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate. Both opinions are equally important.
Don’t have distractions when talking like
the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate. That would qualify as trapping your partner
and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you
must make eye contact. Allow enough time
for a complete discussion.
Strive for a solution but if one is not
reached, reschedule a time to continue.
Don’t give up. Remember there’s
another world besides yours and you must exist in both. Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and
change. If no solution is apparent, professional help may be needed. Communication will not solve all your
problems but it’s a good beginning.
cheers,
Bob
Bob
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