When is it Time to Step in?

There comes a time in the adult lives of children and their parents when it dawns on you that you might have to step in and begin having a more active in your parent’s lives, not as a child but as a caregiver.  For every family, that time seems to come as a shock. 

It’s strange because we all see reports on television about the transition that we go through when the parent becomes the dependent one and the child becomes the boss in the relationship.  And the hardest part of that transition may be the first time you have to step in and “stage an intervention” because there is an area of life that your parent needs to let go of and you know they won’t want to. So what are the signs that its time to step in and suggest or directly take action to make that change in your parents lives?

When it comes to driving, your dad or mom’s doctor will be able to help by determining if your parent is physically able to drive any more.  When the senior citizen’s eyesight dims to where he or she cannot distinguish details in the distance or when depth perception is poor so he might not be able to judge where the intersection is or if he is stopped at the stoplight or in the middle of the intersection, the time is right for Grandpa to give up the keys and let someone else do the driving.

The time to start the process of moving mom or dad out of their own home and into an assisted living facility may be more tricky to determine.  As with driving, the senior citizen will mount every effort to appear to be competent to continue to live independently.  That ability to live on our own, go where we want when we want to and take care of our own needs is so fundamental to who we are and to our self esteem that this transition from living on their own to living where everything is done for them is emotionally difficult to be sure.

So you as family members and as the caregiver for your parent need to watch for the signs that your parent’s ability to take care of the house and of themselves living independently has come.  Some of the symptoms of the need for change are…

§    How is your mom or dad’s health holding up?  Are they eating well? Check the pantry and the refrigerator.  Is it full of good things to eat, fresh foods and lots of supplies for cooking or is it sparse showing that going to the grocery store is a trial for your parent?
§    Are your parents taking care of themselves? When you come over, do they look like they are sleeping ok?  Are they groomed and clean and are their clothes clean and ready to use or is everything wrinkled because its too hard to do the laundry and press shirts and blouses?
§    How does the house look?  Is it in good repair?  Is it picked up and the kitchen clean with everything put away?  If mom was always meticulous about her kitchen and now it’s always a mess, she is having trouble keeping up with the housework.
§    Does mom or dad stay home all the time?  If they were normally outgoing and always up for a car trip, an outing to church or even just the grocery store or even an adventure, becoming a homebody signals that they don’t want to go through the trouble of getting fixed up to go out.

Of all these symptoms, probably the one that signals the time to step in and take action is immediate is if your elderly parent falls or goes to the floor and then cannot get up.  If your mom or dad has to pass the night on the living room floor because they could not get up and had to sleep there until someone showed up to help them, that’s an emergency situation that calls for immediate action.

Talk to your elderly parent about the risks of living alone, particularly in a scary thing like being unable to get up.  By the time such a frightening incident happens, your parent may be suspecting the time to go somewhere that they can live with greater security and safety is here. 
cheers,
Bob

Caregivers and the Work Place

More and more businesses are facing a challenge and some decisions to be made.  As the baby boom generation moves into retirement years and becomes elderly, the workers that make your business function so efficiently are going to have the additional demands placed on them of becoming the primary caregiver for an aging parent. 

It’s easy to just shrug at this need in your employee population but just as the demands of parenting can have a huge impact on the workplace, the personal needs of your employees to take care of their aging parents will have an impact on the office and the productivity of your business.

Business can no longer be cavalier and declare, “Well they can just quit and we can find new employees.”  The brutal truth is that skilled, trained and mature employees don’t, as they day, grow on trees.  With the work force shrinking, it’s foolish to think that if you have a solid and hard working employee who knows his job and does good work for your business, that employee can’t just be replaced with a kid right out of school.

The cost to your business can be devastating if you have a policy of running off good, hard working and smart employees because they are becoming caregivers in their personal lives and replacing them with younger, unskilled employees who are less informed about the ways of business.  The costs of training and the learning curve of the job alone will easily be more than any costs of accommodating existing employees.  Moreover, you cannot just replace judgment, relationships, market savvy and wisdom which many of the employees in the age bracket bring to your business.

So how do you accommodate the needs of this new group of caregivers who are beginning to become a regular part of your workforce?  The first step is to understand what they are going through.  These people are going to take care of their loved ones whether you are aware of it or not.  So if you can partner with them to make them successful at home, they will work extra hard to make you successful in the marketplace.

Start with some seminars and brown bag lunches where people can come and share the demands they are going through as caregivers for elderly parents or loved ones.  Invite everyone to these lunches because there will be many in your business who know that is coming up for them and want to learn all they can about what is ahead.  By making an open discussion of elderly care issues part of the discussion at work, you are communicating that you want to help and not hinder what your employees are facing.  And that will endear you to them and get you the reputation of being one of those “good employers” in town.

Not all employees who are caregivers will need accommodation all the time.  If their parent’s needs are not that demanding, it will be more of an emotional adjustment than a demand on the schedule.  But encourage each employee who is entering into a time of being the primary caregiver for their parent to communicate that to you both through meetings with the Human Resource department and to their boss as well. 

There is a practical side to getting inside of what is going on with your employees.  To your workers, they see you as family and feel more bonded to the workplace because you are concerned about their parents.  But for you, the business will know in detail what is going on with that situation so you can anticipate if that worker will see sudden interruption come up at work and adjust schedules accordingly.

Be sensitive and be communicative with your employees and you can truly become their partner in dealing with this tough part of their lives.  And in doing so, they will feel that you support them and their loyalty to the company will skyrocket.  That loyalty will translate into better productivity and longevity in your workforce.  That stability translates into a more efficient organization which is a more profitable organization.  So in the long run, partnering with your caregivers in the workplace just makes good business sense.




cheers,
Bob

Listening to Your Parents even Now

Have you ever had that aggravation that you go over to your aging parents apartment or house to help with the housework and get some serious “care giving” done and the senior himself seems to be bent on stopping your progress?  You no doubt came over with a list as long as your arm of things to do at the apartment to help your parent live a clean and healthier life by getting the place into shape. 

You know that part of your job as caregiver is to take care of chores and do the things your aging parent cannot do any more or just doesn’t do because of fatigue or general lack of attention to detail.   So when your parent wants you to forget all that work and just sit and talk, what is aggravating to you may be very important to your parent, maybe even more important than the apartment getting cleaned up.

It’s good for you to think about your role as caregiver because you really are not just called to be a maid, chauffeur and cook.  Anybody could do those things.  The reason you are perfect for the care giving role is you are close to the heart of your aging parent and you are the one that will understand when she talks about things she is thinking or feeling that day.

So don’t downplay the value of just being a companion to your parent during your visits.  The emotional and family support you provide to your parent is central to his self esteem and feeling of who he is in the world.  He will be storing up dozens of little anecdotes and stories to share with you when you come over.  So in order to let him get all of that sharing “out of his system”, its important for you to be a good listener.

A good listener doesn’t just let the other person talk and say “uh huh” every so often.  If you are just tolerating your parent as she shares little things with you, that will become apparent and be worse than if you didn’t talk to her at all.  The best way to fit your fellowship and relationship time around work time is to start out each visit with some time together just to talk. 

Perhaps you might make it a habit that every time to come over, you and your parent will sit down and just talk about a half hour over coffee, a snack or tea.  That is when you can focus all of your attention on what mom or dad have to say.  Listen with focus and attention so when something is funny, you laugh and you can ask questions and explore the concept or situation being discussed in some depth.

Then at an appropriate time, you can say, “Gee Mom, I would like to tidy up those dishes.  Can you sit at the table and we can keep talking while I do that?”  That is a nice easy transition to starting your work and keeping the lines of communication open.   And you can continue to let your mom or dad “follow you around” as you do chores chattering away the whole time.

Don’t censor the topics or insist that what you talk about are only the important things.  You should know from talking to your kids that you have to be ready to talk about the trivial things in their lives to prime the pump of communication about the hard issues and ones that will take some mature understanding to deal with.  So be patient and open with your aging mom and dad and once they know you have good listening ears, they will open up about important things going on in their lives.  And that is when your listening skills will really pay off.

cheers,
Bobby

Working From Home On eBay: A Stay At Home Mom's Story

This is a story from a stay at home mom....

I am a stay at home mom and I work from home on eBay. It sounds almost like I am at an AA meeting doesn't it? Here is a snippet of my life as I homeschool and run a work from home on eBay business.

It is Monday morning; the kids are all up and starting to eat breakfast. I have 10 items to ship out today and I use the kitchen table as my shipping department. My children range in ages from 2 to 13 years in age. Right now two are fighting, the 8 year old is putting the sold items into their correct boxes, and the 2 year old is pouring his Cheerios and milk into one of the packages. I sure hope that box is empty!

The two year old has been removed from the shipping area and is now happily playing in the living room. The fight that had broken out was only minor; the warring parties have called a truce. They are now building a catapult out of popsicle sticks and plastic spoons. 2 of the 10 boxes need to be repackaged. That little one can fill up a shipping box with cereal faster than you can blink. I have to be sure that the items marked for shipping are really supposed to be shipped. Sometimes, we get our books mixed up with the customers.

I go to the computer to print out the packing lists and shipping labels. Then I turn the computer over to those who need it for research. Back to the shipping department, kitchen area I go. Breakfast is now finished and one of the kids left the backdoor open. The dog has made a break for it and the three older children are chasing him down the sidewalk. I expect they will bring him back soon. Good thing this is a quiet neighborhood (quiet is a relative term). Time to check on the two year old – he is still happy and playing with his toys. Dishes are in the sink, cereal disasters are cleaned up, catapult testing has begun and I can start to finish packing up these boxes. My 5 year old daughter is helping me with the packing tape. Well, she will be once she frees herself from the entangled mass of tape that has one of her arms attached to the table.

It is now noon. Amazingly the boxes are all taped, labeled, and ready to ship. The children and dog have returned from their excursion out into the neighborhood. The two year old is napping, the catapult works great – it can shoot a lima bean 6 feet! The five year old has been freed from the table and we are reading together. The rest of the children have their assignments to do. All we have to do now is to wait for the mailman to arrive, so that he can pickup the Priority Mail. Hopefully it will be the usual carrier. The kids and the dog tend to scare off substitutes.

While the chaos has come to a standstill, I quickly run off to the computer to check email and to see if any auctions have closed. I respond to the email messages, send out winning bidder notices, check my inventory, and get back to the kids. Wow – it's 3pm and I forgot to eat lunch.

Door bell rings, chaos resumes, dog is barking, children are yelling, toddler is crying. Mail Carrier has arrived to pick up the packages, the landscapers are here blowing leaves, and the delivery truck has arrived with 4 pallets of inventory. Where did that dog go... Packages go out; pallets are in the driveway waiting for the older boys to help unload. Now my living room looks like a warehouse. I send the 13 year old to go print out an inventory sheet and get a copy of the purchase order. He and his younger brother check the order for completeness. This time all is well!

That is a typical Monday in my household. The rest of the week is similar. I like the fact that I can stay at home, teach my children and earn income. I am a mom working from home on eBay. This month, I became a PowerSeller! You can balance your home, work and family with an eBay business. Just keep a sense of humor and it will all work out fine.

Wishing you great success, just do it! Take action!

That's all for eBay...now I'm going to plan my next article,

Bobby Wna

How To Work From Home On eBay: Beyond The Basics

Congratulations for reaching this far, You can do it!

You know how to work from home on eBay. You have been doing it for a little while now and you want to take your business beyond the basics. There are other things that you may be ready to do at this point. Lets take a look.

First lets look at your rating on eBay. In order to start getting into the more advanced features you must have a rating of 10 or higher. 20 is required to open an eBay store and 30 is required for certain multiple item auctions. In lieu of a required rating, you can be ID verified by eBay.

Now that you know about ratings, where do you stand? With a rating of 10 or greater you can add a buy it now option to your auction listings. This can really help your sales. A great marketing idea is to price your buy it now so that the shipping is included in the sell price. Be sure to tell your buyers that shipping is free with buy it now. You will attract more customers this way than with almost any other eBay option. It is well worth the small buy it now fee.

A rating of 20 or more allows you to open an eBay store. Consider this long and hard prior to doing this. The basic store is $15.95 a month. Every store listing that is not an auction costs .05 every 30 days plus additional fees for add-ons. This will add up very quickly if the inventory sits there. To consider a store, you should be selling a minimum of $100.00 or 10 items a month consistently for three consecutive months. Then you will have the experience and customer base to support a store.

You can take your store to the next level with ProStores. This is an eBay company that interfaces your eBay store with an online e-merchant store. You will have your own domain name, and they will help promote your website. There are three levels of service. When you are ready to spend $40.00 a month on websites and eBay store promotion then consider ProStores.

Other advanced techniques on how to work from home on eBay that will take you beyond the basics are fixed price auctions with multiple quantities. You need to be an authorized eBay user for at least 14 days, and you must have a rating of 30 or higher. If you have a verified PayPal account the rating requirement drops to 15.  This type of auction is for selling items that you keep stock of. For example you have a case of cat toys. You can list a single fixed price auction with a quantity of 144 cat toys at a sale price of $3.00 each. A buyer can order one or more and the listing will not close, the quantity available will be reduced. It is just like ordering from a retail store online. This is much easier than entering the same fixed auction 144 times. It is less expensive this way as well.

There are many tools for you to use once you are selling consistently. Selling Manager and Selling Manager Pro are ways to keep track of your inventory and eBay auctions. Turbo Lister is another tool that can help you quickly list items that you have for sale. It is much easier to design your auctions off line and then upload them all at once. This saves a tremendous amount of time and effort. All of these are offered on eBay's website.

You can get many free or low cost tools to help you design auctions. Some of these programs also include a "turbo listing" feature. Once you are listing 10 items a week or more, you will want to start to use software to automate the listing process.  When you design your auctions have them all uniform in appearance. After a while, your buyers will know by the auction design if it is you. This will help you establish a look for your work from home business on eBay. It is called branding.

Overall, taking your eBay business beyond the basics is not difficult. You already know how to work from home on eBay, now you need to work smarter.

Hang on there , see you tomorrow,
Bobby Wan

How To Set Up a Work From Home Business On eBay

Many people want to know how to set up a work from home business on eBay.  This can depend on what you are selling, but there are some considerations that every seller should follow. Laying proper groundwork for any business is an extremely important step. Just like building a house, a business built on a solid foundation will last for years. Overlooking these details can result in your eBay business not going as well as you would like.

First you need to have a camera – preferably digital and internet access – ideally from home. Without these items selling on eBay will be difficult at best. Next, you should have a bank account and a PayPal account. PayPal is not required to sell on eBay, but it is the easiest way to accept online payments if you do not already have a merchant account. Find an area in your home, shed, or rent a storage unit for your inventory. Be sure that any rental unit is rodent and pest free. The same holds for a storage shed or attic. If possible, do not smoke in the area where you plan to keep inventory.

Now you have the very basics in place. Are you ready to sell? Not quite yet. There are still a few areas to cover. Check with your zoning regulations for laws about running a home business. If your area has a property owners or home owners association and there are restrictive covenants in your neighborhood, be sure that you can legally run a home business. Starting out this may not be a problem but once you start getting large deliveries several times a week, if you are in violation of zoning or HOA/POA rules, someone will complain. Apply for any variances now, before your business gets really busy. Just a few more things to cover before you start to sell, get a resale certificate or sales tax ID number. In order to purchase form many wholesalers this is required. Otherwise they will charge you full retail price or not sell to you at all. You can sell under your own name, or file a D.B.A or fictitious name. D.B.A. stands for doing business as. You can open a bank account in the business name once you file the correct papers. Finally, be prepared to file quarterly income taxes. If you are self employed and you make money in any quarter, you need to file this. Now you are ready to sell on eBay.

You have found out the basics of how to set up a work from home business on eBay. The foundation is in place. Now what? You need to have an eBay ID. It's easy to register on eBay. Go to ebay.com and fill out the registration form. You'll need a credit card to verify your identity. Now you have everything in place to start selling. Almost, what are you going to sell? Before answering this I suggest that you take a look and search through eBay to see what is selling and what items appeal to you. Selling off some of your unwanted stuff is a good idea, as it generates easy capital for your business and it gets rid of unwanted items in your home. Furthermore, you can get an idea of how eBay works.

These are the very basics of how to set up a work from home business on eBay. There are a lot more details that you should cover such as product selection, market research, choosing an accountant or accounting software and more. Before you go and spend a lot of money, go through these basic steps and see how successful you are at selling a couple of items or two. Then you will know if setting up a work from home business on eBay is really right for you. This article was designed to give you just the basics so that your work from home eBay business starts off on a solid foundation.


To your success and next eBay article tomorrow!
Bobby Wan

Advantages Of Working From Home On eBay

There are many advantages of working from home on eBay. You can start up an at home business with very little capital invested. Additionally you can work your own hours. If you are looking to build an online business you can do this with eBay while still maintaining current employment. These are just some of the many advantages of working from home on eBay.

The main advantage of working from home is flexibility and being your own boss. The same holds true for an eBay business. An eBay business will allow you to build it gradually. This is a very good thing for individuals with little or no business experience. You can get a really good feel for how eBay works by selling a few items and building the business one sale at a time. There are many tools on eBay's website for you to use on their website. These tools are designed to help you make the most of your eBay selling experience. Market research is available for free and there is also an in depth 90 day history available for a fee. Forums are available on eBay. These forums can help you in many ways. Sometimes there are workshops on all aspects of buying and selling. You can converse with other users and get quick responses to your questions.

The advantages of working from home on eBay continue with the ability to earn good income at a part-time or full-time level. It all depends on the level of commitment you can give to it. You are the one in charge of your online business. Listing only what you have the time to ship is the best way to keep things under control. Another way is to only ship out products one a week. This is the beauty of working from home. You set the hours, you are in charge. However, if you want to make money you must work at it. The extra money you make at selling on eBay can go into a savings account, IRA, or you can use it to build the eBay business even larger. This is especially true if you are employed outside of your home. A gradual build up of an eBay business can protect you from the devastating effects of layoffs and outsourcing.

You can take your eBay business to the next level with many online tools both in and out of eBay. Using these tools helps to automate the tedious task of listing your items for sale. Once you start selling more than 3 or 4 items a week you will understand that automating this process is offers huge savings in both time and money.  The advantages of working from home on eBay and taking the business full time are many. Once you are ready to make the full time jump you are most likely a PowerSeller. This is where you really start to make money as you receive discounts as a PowerSeller that other sellers do not. You are also selling at least $12,000.00 a year, hopefully more if you are ready to go full time. One of the benefits to having a full-time eBay business is that you are not as dependent on your current employment if you choose to still work. Full time on eBay means making a full time income working part time or off hours. When you turn that first year of $12,000.00 sales into $100,000.00 in sales then you are truly at a career level income. It can be done, many have accomplished this.

The advantages of working from home on eBay are numerous. You can have a great second income with a little bit of researching and effort. Why not give eBay a try? You may decide that it is better than what you do now.

See you next article on eBay!
to your success,
Bobby Wan

10 Steps On How To Work From Home On eBay

This week I am going to focus on how to make money from home! I'll be talking about eBay as one option.

Here are 10 steps on how to work from home on eBay. Follow the information outlined here in order to successfully sell your items and start making a profit. It is easier than you think to have a profitable eBay business.

Step One:
Get started the right way. Accurately describe your item. If it is new say so, if it is not also state that. An accurate description will ensure that the buyer knows what they are getting.

Step Two:
Have great keywords in your title. Look for an item just like yours in an eBay search. See what comes up. Using great keywords will get your item further up on the search listings. People can only purchase your item if they can find it.

Step Three:
Use pictures. Now that the gallery is free, there is no reason not to use pictures. A digital camera is all you need in order to take a really great photograph. This is what will tell your buyers about your product. Get this right and your item has a much better chance of selling.

Step Four:
Accurately list your shipping and handling charges. Buyers are turned off when listings are obviously padding their shipping. You are entitled to have the buyer pay for the actual shipping plus reasonable handling charges. Another option may be to have a buy it now option with free shipping. This marketing tool really works well.

Step Five:
Use an online payment service like PayPal. Many buyers do not want to bother with a check or money order. They want to make an online payment. PayPal is safe and you can start with a personal account and move up to a premier or business account at a later date. It is difficult to work from home on eBay without an online payment solution.

Step Six:
Promptly ship your items after you receive payment. A delay in shipping will result in unhappy buyers. This is very important. Make sure you list all shipping options. It is always a good idea to offer an expedited service as well as standard. Always ship your item with a form of delivery confirmation. Require insurance on fragile items.

Step Seven:
Keep good communication with your buyer. Email them to let them know payment was received. Contact them to let them know their item has shipped. Send them a follow-up email to be sure they were happy with their purchase and ask them if you can put them on your email list.

Step Eight:
Create an email listing of your customers, with their permission. Let them know when a similar item is for sale. For example if you sold a customer a Limoges box, let them know when you have similar items for sale. Developing a list of happy customers is a great way to get repeat business.

Step Nine:
Stay informed. Use the eBay Forums and community links to stay on top of what is going on in the eBay community. You will know when specials are offered to buyers and when there are events. Workshops are a great way to learn more about eBay. The more you know the better you can run your business.

Step 10:
Know what is hot on eBay. Visit the What's Hot page daily. Make sure you know what is selling well in your category of items. Developing a niche market is important. You cannot cover every category. Choose an area of expertise. Write an FAQ or an informative article and post it to eBay. All of these tips will help keep you profitable.

Follow these 10 steps on how to work from home on eBay and your business will be off to a great start. It takes hard work to build any business. Building one on eBay can be rewarding and fun.

See you in next eBay article,
to your success,
Bobby Wan

Why Marriage Takes Work

To achieve anything worthwhile takes work.  Why should marriage be any different?

Years of your life are spent in school preparing to obtain the job you want or the career you want to pursue.  If you wanted to excel in sports, art or singing, you were willing to work at it and spend endless hours practicing.  It wasn’t work - it was a joy.

Whatever your dream, nothing would stop you from tirelessly working to achieve your goal even if it meant foregoing certain pleasures and taking extra classes.  You studied and read every book you could find to help you get better and eventually become the person you wanted to be.

Marriage should be approached with as much zeal.  Unfortunately, most people who try their hand at marriage think it’s a learn as you go project.  They “wing it” on a day-to-day basis and fail to see the mistakes made along the way until it ends in separation or divorce.  It’s no secret that more than half of all marriages end in divorce and many others are miserably unhappy.

Marriage is not taken seriously anymore or at least not for long.  As soon as the passion and dedication of the wedding vows fade into the bliss of the honeymoon, couples say well if it doesn’t work out it’s no big deal to go our separate ways. 

If children are involved this is certainly not so, but divorce can also have more far reaching effects on others as well.  This includes not only your immediate family but friends as well on both sides of the marriage.

With marriage comes responsibility.  Couples would do well to repeat their wedding vows occasionally, especially the part that says for better or worse.  So often when a marriage gets tough with a loss of job, poor health or unexpected expenses, the stress begins to build and you look for a way out.  Marriage has become too much about what you can do for me, rather than what we can do for each other.

Divorces are too easy to come by.  More work should have gone into the engagement period which most times are all too brief.  The longer the engagement the more you can learn about your partner.  

If there are little things (or big things) that annoy you it’s better to discover them before the vows are said.  Going into marriage thinking you can change someone most of the time is a fairy tale.

Just like you prepare for a career, you should prepare for marriage.  Premarital counseling could be extremely beneficial.  It not only brings couples closer but enables them to discover what the other person is seeking or expects in a relationship.  In a counseling situation most feel more comfortable sharing their feelings with a professional present. 

Enter into the sanctity of marriage knowing that it’s a lifetime commitment.  Together you can accomplish so much more than alone.  It will take work and self sacrifice.  The marriage highway is filled with bumps and potholes but it’s a trip worth taking and may be the best journey of your life.

cheers,

Bob

Communication in a Marriage is Key

Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce.  That’s really not surprising.  When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do?  You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were.  Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

 Good communication takes practice.  Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking.  Your body language and actions can speak volumes about what you like and dislike.  Facial expressions say a lot too.  Do you still smile at your spouse?

Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk.  If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and seek a solution.  Solutions usually begin at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a good and convenient time to communicate.  If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time.  At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table.  Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws.  You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary.  Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time.  This gives both of you time to organize your thoughts.  It’s not good to come to the table unprepared.  Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener.  Listening is as important as talking.  If your spouse is not as good at communicating as you then compensate.  Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.”  Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate.  Both opinions are equally important.

Don’t have distractions when talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present.  Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate.  That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact.  Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue.  Don’t give up.  Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must exist in both.  Compromise is always a good choice.  If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is apparent, professional help may be needed.  Communication will not solve all your problems but it’s a good beginning. 

cheers,
Bob

Have a Better Marriage Today

It’s never too late to have a better marriage today.  In this time of fast food, instant communications, five minute marriage ceremonies and quickie divorces it’s no wonder people expect and even demand that someone should make their marriage better today. 

No matter that the marriage has been on a downhill slide for months or years and no matter that you haven’t spoken to each other in days, you’re finally seeking help for your marriage and you want results today.

That’s almost like praying to God for patience and you want it now.  Most marriages experience trouble over a period of time, little things become big things and suddenly you realize your marriage is on the rocks and that’s not where you wanted it to be. 

Most couples who get married say they entered into the union forever.  They also realize that marriage is a partnership and you have to work at it to make it successful.  Most also agree that divorce is not the ultimate answer.

This is evident by the fact that the divorce rate is down somewhat even though many are continuing to stay with their spouse even though they’re unhappy and unsatisfied.  More couples seem to be happy than not with three out of four saying they would marry their spouse again.  And, many have by renewing their vows or really marrying them again after divorce.  It’s more common than you might think.

Love is perhaps the key to making your marriage better today and forever even though some husbands and wives declare their love has faded and they’re bored in the relationship.  This is not always the case.  More than half say they love their spouse more now than when first married and that it grows everyday. 

Lifelong enduring love just happens for a chosen few but for the rest of us we have to work at it daily.  Just like we can’t take our spouse for granted, likewise we cannot take each other’s love for granted.  It must be earned.  This is especially true in the early years of marriage after the physical attraction has waned but is also necessary for all marriages for all time. 

Demonstrate your love each day for your spouse.  This can be done with good deeds as you anticipate your spouse’s needs.  But, true marriage saving love must go deeper and be sincere and unfaltering. 

A love that’s forgiving is perhaps the most important.  Few marriages can boast of never needing to forgive one another and each time you experience a forgiving love the more your bond is strengthened.

When couples were asked to list the most important traits in marriage, one of the most mentioned was forgiveness followed by trust and the ability to resolve differences in a peaceful, loving manner. 

Other traits listed were compatibility and spending quality time together. Love may not be a panacea for saving your marriage today but when combined with dedication, it’s certainly a good start.

cheers,

Bobby

Is Intimacy Missing in Your Marriage?

If asked if intimacy is missing in your marriage the first thought that comes to mind is sex.  Intimacy can refer to more than just sex.  If couples are intimate this could mean they reveal their innermost feelings and desires. 

 They have an emotional intimacy that has created a loving bond that will sustain them in any crisis.  Intimacy for some can mean holding hands, walking together or sharing laughter.

As couples age and the love matures, intimacy has different meanings depending on the stage of marriage.  At first, love and romance were everywhere and you couldn’t get enough of each other in every way. 

You wanted to crawl inside the other person and breathe their very breath.  You shared intimacy in every way and every day.  Nothing would keep you from being together every moment possible.

Later, as you become more familiar with each other, desire and intimacy fade.  This doesn’t mean love is gone, it just means some find fulfillment in other ways other than being intimate.  You think showing love is no longer necessary and you begin to take your spouse for granted.  These gestures, or lack thereof, promote feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

If no intimacy exists, rather than seek an end to the relationship, you stay together for other reasons.  One of the biggest reasons for remaining in a relationship with no intimacy is children.  Couples will remain unhappily together for the sake of the children.

Others stay together because it would ruin both financially to split the assets.  Religious convictions can prevent seeking divorce and some see no alternative but to endure the situation.

It may be no comfort to you, but lack of intimacy in marriage is not uncommon.  If you have sex less than ten times a year, you fall in the 18% category of all married couples who are classified as sexless.  The average?  Surveys show most married couples have sex about once every week. 

About 1 in 4 married persons grumble about a complete and constant disinterest in having sex.  Both men and women complain about a lack of sex drive while others regardless of age are having a satisfying marriage filled with intimacy.  What’s the difference?

Happily married couples are able to communicate about their needs and desires.  Problems with intercourse can many times be solved with intercourse…pun intended.

You must stop denying the problem and get it out in the open.  If both parties are healthy you should be enjoying a fulfilled marriage overflowing with intimacy.  An honest talk could disclose the problem lies with an unmentioned disappointment or depression.

If you blame lack of physical attraction and boredom for your decreased interest in sex then do something about it by seeking help and becoming more attentive to your partner’s needs. 

When communicating about the problems, be yourself and be confident.  This can be a turn-on in itself.  Being a friend to your spouse is good until it comes to sex.  Then friendship is not enough.  You have a right to intimacy in marriage.  Find the true cause and be happy.

cheers,

Bobby